The Beginners Guide to Self-Love

Self-love is so important to you being able to live your best life. We all have heard from Shakespeare in Hamlet “to thine own self be true” all the way to everytime we fly to “to put the oxygen mask on first before helping others.” My mother even used to say “Take care of number one.” When we hear these things, we think they sound selfish. Or in worse cases, we have been told we are being selfish for wanting to take care of our own needs. If you think about it, you wouldn’t go to a doctor who hadn’t gone to med school or even an auto mechanic who had never worked on a car. So then why do we think we are able to truly love someone else when we don’t even love ourselves.

Sure we all to some point love ourselves, but can we say we like who we are? Do we say no, I just can’t. Your child has been told everyday for a week to have their uniforms for school in the laundry room so they can be washed that weekend. Only to find yourself scrambling to do a load of laundry Sunday night so they have uniforms for Monday. Or a friend, family member or significant other wants you to go out for a late dinner and drinks, but you had planed to get up and go to the gym early the next morning. Do you say no I just can’t and stick with it even when they say “I can’t believe you are going to make me go out to eat by myself.” Even if you explain why you can’t , they say just this time. Next thing you know you are being talked into going and putting your needs on the back burner. Does this sound familiar?

What is Self-Love?

Self-Love is when you see yourself in a positive way and are confident in who you are and your place in the world. It is also seen as when you set boundaries for yourself. What you will and won’t put up with. No one should allow anyone to hit them or abuse them in any way. Now with that being said please know until you have been in that situation you can not say what you would or wouldn’t do and by no means am I here to judge anyone.

You must be confident enough with yourself to be able to say “No I don’t like war movies.” “No I don’t allow smoking in my home.” no matter who they are. Standing firm and confident with a parent, a crush, celebrity or best friend. It doesn’t always mean saying no, it can be just standing up for what you feel is right. Does this mean you will never go see a war movie, no but you won’t be afraid to say no I think I’ll skip the movie this time. In future blogs we will talk more about setting boundaries and goals.

How to get started with Self-Love

  1. Make a list of everything you don’t like about yourself. When you first remember thinking or feeling that way and why did you. This is not about blame or shame it is a point of reference. For example I was never told I was pretty or even looked pretty. Growing up the main focus was education and being successful. Looks were never talked about.
  2. Next you are going to take that list and see how that affects your life, your career and your relationships. Not just romantic relationships, ones with friends, family, co-workers, strangers and most importantly yourself. As I have told you before I have always had trouble recognizing my looks and an even harder time taking a complement. To the point I would run and hide rather than be complimented. I saw I was confident in my skills or abilities but not my physical appearance. To the point it affected my health because I felt it wasn’t important.
  3. Finally what is on that list is absolutely untrue? Mark it then take time to journal about it. Why is it untrue? How do you know this? It can be something like I always give to others but no one gives to me. Maybe you don’t let people give to you because you feel you don’t deserve it. Or you feel it is your job because, you are the mom, older sister, daughter. Go down the list start with the easiest and work up to the hardest. Never be afraid to ask for help from a friend, a Life Coach, or a therapist.

Tips for Success in Self-Love

This is not a time to beat your self up or play the blame game. Take your time this is not a race. Enjoy discovering who you really are. Make sure as you do this you are taking time to take care of yourself. Take a walk, a bath, call a friend, get your nails done or buy your self a little treat, maybe a bottle of crazy finger nail polish or any thing that is just for you and makes you happy.

Common Questions/FAQ About Self-Love

  • What does it mean to have self love?
    • Self-love means having a vested interest in your own well-being and happiness.  Taking care of number one, as mom always said. Do you need a nap? Need to have fun? or just need to say no? Do it, do what you need.
  • How do you develop self love?
    • When you are working on self-love, you start to get clear understanding with what you think, feel and want.
    • Do what you need rather than what you want. To want your house clean for your family or to work a few extra hours on a project, but you need to have some you time. Or you need to rest. That is what is important. I know that is hard, as write this I have a sink of dirty dishes behind me. But I need to do this.
    • Take care of yourself, your health both mental and physical.
    • Set boundaries
    • Forgive yourself
  • Why is self love so important?
    • self-love gives you the ability to have strength and courage to get through tough times without putting your self in a place neglect. When you don’t have self-love you allow shame, toxicity, fatigue, and exhaustion in to your life.
  • How can I practice self love?
    • Be good to yourself. Look at you self in the mirror and speak to yourself as you want others to speak to you.
    • Eat healthy food
    • Move your body. Walk, dance, yoga, etc…
    • Don’t concern yourself what other people think…It is none of your business. There are going to be people who don’t like you bettering yourself.
    • Get rid of toxic relationships in your life. That is anyone who makes you feel less than amazing.
    • Love the things that make you different and special. Celebrate yourself.
    • Follow your passion. Do you love art or cooking and baking or writing.
    • Do things you loved to do as a kid. play in the mud, ride your bike in the rain, play with your friends.

The Last Thing You Need to Know about Self-Love

Self-love is an important part of taking responsibility for your own happiness. When you take responsibility for your own happiness you are taking the first steps to taking control of your life.

Do you need more help with self love please feel free to email me.

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