The Beginners Guide to Self-Love

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

The Beginners Guide to Self-Love

Self-love is so important to you being able to live your best life. We all have heard from Shakespeare in Hamlet “to thine own self be true” all the way to everytime we fly to “to put the oxygen mask on first before helping others.” My mother even used to say “Take care of number one.” When we hear these things, we think they sound selfish. Or in worse cases, we have been told we are being selfish for wanting to take care of our own needs. If you think about it, you wouldn’t go to a doctor who hadn’t gone to med school or even an auto mechanic who had never worked on a car. So then why do we think we are able to truly love someone else when we don’t even love ourselves.

Sure we all to some point love ourselves, but can we say we like who we are? Do we say no, I just can’t. Your child has been told everyday for a week to have their uniforms for school in the laundry room so they can be washed that weekend. Only to find yourself scrambling to do a load of laundry Sunday night so they have uniforms for Monday. Or a friend, family member or significant other wants you to go out for a late dinner and drinks, but you had planed to get up and go to the gym early the next morning. Do you say no I just can’t and stick with it even when they say “I can’t believe you are going to make me go out to eat by myself.” Even if you explain why you can’t , they say just this time. Next thing you know you are being talked into going and putting your needs on the back burner. Does this sound familiar?

What is Self-Love?

Self-Love is when you see yourself in a positive way and are confident in who you are and your place in the world. It is also seen as when you set boundaries for yourself. What you will and won’t put up with. No one should allow anyone to hit them or abuse them in any way. Now with that being said please know until you have been in that situation you can not say what you would or wouldn’t do and by no means am I here to judge anyone.

You must be confident enough with yourself to be able to say “No I don’t like war movies.” “No I don’t allow smoking in my home.” no matter who they are. Standing firm and confident with a parent, a crush, celebrity or best friend. It doesn’t always mean saying no, it can be just standing up for what you feel is right. Does this mean you will never go see a war movie, no but you won’t be afraid to say no I think I’ll skip the movie this time. In future blogs we will talk more about setting boundaries and goals.

How to get started with Self-Love

  • Make a list of everything you don’t like about yourself. When you first remember thinking or feeling that way and why did you. This is not about blame or shame it is a point of reference. For example I was never told I was pretty or even looked pretty. Growing up the main focus was education and being successful. Looks were never talked about.
  • Next you are going to take that list and see how that affects your life, your career and your relationships. Not just romantic relationships, ones with friends, family, co-workers, strangers and most importantly yourself. As I have told you before I have always had trouble recognizing my looks and an even harder time taking a complement. To the point I would run and hide rather than be complimented. I saw I was confident in my skills or abilities but not my physical appearance. To the point it affected my health because I felt it wasn’t important.
  • Finally what is on that list is absolutely untrue? Mark it then take time to journal about it. Why is it untrue? How do you know this? It can be something like I always give to others but no one gives to me. Maybe you don’t let people give to you because you feel you don’t deserve it. Or you feel it is your job because, you are the mom, older sister, daughter. Go down the list start with the easiest and work up to the hardest. Never be afraid to ask for help from a friend, a Life Coach, or a therapist.

Tips for Success in Self-Love

This is not a time to beat your self up or play the blame game. Take your time this is not a race. Enjoy discovering who you really are. Make sure as you do this you are taking time to take care of yourself. Take a walk, a bath, call a friend, get your nails done or buy your self a little treat, maybe a bottle of crazy finger nail polish or any thing that is just for you and makes you happy.

Common Questions/FAQ About Self-Love

  • What does it mean to have self love?
    • Self-love means having a vested interest in your own well-being and happiness.  Taking care of number one, as mom always said. Do you need a nap? Need to have fun? or just need to say no? Do it, do what you need.
  • How do you develop self love?
    • When you are working on self-love, you start to get clear understanding with what you think, feel and want.
    • Do what you need rather than what you want. To want your house clean for your family or to work a few extra hours on a project, but you need to have some you time. Or you need to rest. That is what is important. I know that is hard, as write this I have a sink of dirty dishes behind me. But I need to do this.
    • Take care of yourself, your health both mental and physical.
    • Set boundaries
    • Forgive yourself
  • Why is self love so important?
    • self-love gives you the ability to have strength and courage to get through tough times without putting your self in a place neglect. When you don’t have self-love you allow shame, toxicity, fatigue, and exhaustion in to your life.
  • How can I practice self love?
    • Be good to yourself. Look at you self in the mirror and speak to yourself as you want others to speak to you.
    • Eat healthy food
    • Move your body. Walk, dance, yoga, etc…
    • Don’t concern yourself what other people think…It is none of your business. There are going to be people who don’t like you bettering yourself.
    • Get rid of toxic relationships in your life. That is anyone who makes you feel less than amazing.
    • Love the things that make you different and special. Celebrate yourself.
    • Follow your passion. Do you love art or cooking and baking or writing.
    • Do things you loved to do as a kid. play in the mud, ride your bike in the rain, play with your friends.

The Last Thing You Need to Know about Self-Love

Self-love is an important part of taking responsibility for your own happiness. When you take responsibility for your own happiness you are taking the first steps to taking control of your life.

Do you need more help with self love please feel free to email me.

If you like this post please like and share.

The Best Products for Beginning Journaling

This post contains affiliate links, which means I receive a small commission, at no extra cost to you, if you make a purchase using this link.”

When you decide that you’re going to start to journal, there seem to be many questions come up. How do I journal, long hand or on the computer? Do I follow a format or just write about whatever? Do I write in a notebook, a journal or lose paper? Do I care about spelling and grammar?

Let me answer some of those questions, share with you some of the things I have learned and suggest the products that worked for me.

I like to to write in a special Journal with a nice pen. When it comes to format, sometimes I just write a letter to myself giving myself some friendly advice or other times I follow a format of questions leading me to an outcome or answer.

How to Start Writing in a Journal

When I first started Journaling, I knew my writing was for just me, no one else. If you live with people you don’t want reading your journal, I suggest putting it somewhere safe and not left out in the open. This is a lesson I learned the hard way.

When it comes to format, sometimes I just write a letter to myself, giving myself some friendly advice.

Other times I follow a format of questions leading me to an outcome or answer.

Why Does Journling Seem so Hard ?

  When you first start to journal, you are sitting there looking at a blank piece of paper. To some people that is uncharted territory, new adventures waiting for them. To others we don’t need GPS but a basic direction would be great.

  I write a letter to myself based on how I’m feeling. Or what I want to see happen in my future. Maybe I will write out my goals or even a letter to someone else that I have no intention of send.

      Other times I use journaling questions from Pinterest or books. Even sometimes I look up questions to ask during a tarot reading.

I make lists of what I like and don’t like about myself, when I first felt like that and what triggered it. Just be true to yourself when you write.

Best Products to Overcome Journal Writing Fears

Common Questions/FAQ About Journaling

Why is a Journal important?

As you work through life’s situations, Journaling helps you see the progress you have made and reminds you who you are and who you want to be.

What is the difference between a diary and a journal?

A diary is mainly used to write things you would like to remember – daily activities, how the day was spent, what was done, the daily routine and anything that needs to get done. A personal journal is a record of significant experiences. As well as inner work and the journey you are on.

What are the benefits of writing a journal?

1. Stretching Your IQ

2. Evoking Mindfulness

3. Achieving Goals

4. Emotional Intelligence

5. Boosting Memory and Comprehension

6. Strengthen Your Self-Discipline

7. Improve Communication Skills

8. Healing

9. Spark Your Creativity

10. Self-Confidence

The Last Thing You Need to Know about Starting to Journal

  • Do it for you, for your health, for the old you that you are trying to find and for the new you, that Phoenix you getting ready to rise from the ashes.
  • Do you journal now? What helps you? I would love to hear from you.
  • If you know anyone who would like this or maybe you liked it so much you want to share. Please share.

    

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All About Me

Hi, I’m Kathryn!

I’m so happy you’re here! I’m a mom of two amazing girls, a middle school teacher and a life coach! I want to help you have your best life ever.

When I was a teenager and young adult I suffered from co-dependency and being a people pleaser with very low self-esteem. For years and years I wondered what was wrong with me. I always seemed to be on the outside looking in, no matter how hard I tried. I went from one bad relationship to another. With every relationship I lost sight of who I was more and more until I was pretty much gone.

Until my best friend opened my eyes to the carefree happy girl that had been lost so long ago. I made up my mind I was going to find her again.

I went on an eleven month search for me. After reconnecting with who I was, I knew I had to help other women find themselves and in the process help them create the life they always dreamed of.

I went back to school and became a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, Cognitive Brain Theory Practitioner, Hypnotherapist, Mindfulness Practitioner, and a Neuro Linguistic Practitioner.

I would love to share my tips and advice so you can love the life you have . Even if your life is not perfect, how to use small tweaks that make a big impact. Also how to help you with all your relationships.

My blog is for women of any age who are struggling with personal development and self-love or just want to know more. I’m here to help you achieve that life you always wanted. Show you how to rid yourself of co-dependency, low self-esteem, and most importantly love yourself first.

Let’s get ourselves back!

xoxo, Kathryn